Many of us heard that question posed to us as children when we had demonstrated a poor attitude or decision. It was meant as a shock, or a wake-up call, to alert us to the fact that something we had said or done was inappropriate to our then position in life. Rarely have we asked ourselves that question in a more meaningful way that had us explore possibilities, and enable us to expand our horizons.

Who do you think you are when you arrive at work? "Just" an employee? A leader among the staff? Someone who is putting in time to collect a paycheck? A griper? A contributor? A taker or a giver?

Perhaps, like most people, you have not asked yourself the question at all but rather have just gone about your day dealing with life as it happens, and then wondering "what happened?!"

As John W. Newbern wrote, people can be divided into three groups: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened. If you're either a "wonderer" or a "watcher" and want to be a "maker", in any aspect of your life, then read on! While this article is specific to who you are at work, the principles are applicable everywhere in your life.

The first and critical step is to notice the conversation you have with yourself. For example, when you get up in the morning, what does the little voice in your head say? "Oh great, I've got to go to work!" If it says that (or some version of it), what is your experience of energy, happiness and well-being? Does that one statement create a mood of joy or a "leave me alone" attitude? You may not even be aware of any conversation in your head; perhaps you are so caught up in your morning rituals that you're not conscious of what you are creating for yourself!

I assert that life appears to happen to us. Certainly there are circumstances in life over which we have no control, such as the weather, or traffic patterns, or other people's moods and actions. However, in actuality life occurs within us and we do have control (if we stay conscious) of what we are going to do about the circumstances that we face.
The big factor is: if we stay conscious!

Anyone who has had children, or was a child, knows that when children are born, they don't have a conversation about whether the day is good or bad, fun or boring, exciting or dull. In fact, they are an open vessel for experiences and awaken with the anticipation of another day of adventure! Life is happening and they want to be a part of it! However, early on in life children begin to learn that life is risky business: you can get hurt, be suppressed, get yelled at, be rejected, get embarrassed, be shamed, and a whole host of other experiences that begin to shut down their sense of adventure about the day. They learn survival skills, i.e., how to get what they want (love) from the giants (adults) with whom they live and meet. The internal conversation begins to form and monitor behavior, to change the view of available choices in situations, and ultimately regulate behavior.

Perhaps these "survival" decisions and behaviors that were formed as children were useful. One thing is for sure, they got us to today. We made it!

Now as adults, we get to design how we want to be, what we want to do, how we will respond to circumstances.

Let's start with the statement from the example from above: "Oh great, I've got to go to work." If you change that to "Thank goodness I get to go to work!" it creates a totally different playing field for you. The experience of the day is transformed. A sense of joy replaces dread. Instead of warning your family, friends and co-workers to "leave me alone", you show up as a willing participant and a stakeholder in the practice. Instead of being "just" an employee, or someone biding time waiting for Friday and the paycheck, or someone who complains about what is or isn't happening, you become a vital team member who gets to participate in building beautiful smiles, and creating possibilities and great self-esteem for others who were very different at the start of treatment than at the end. You get to participate in the transformation of other human beings! Wonderful!

It might sound like a Pollyanna type answer. My question to you is, "and what's wrong with that?" Pollyanna ended up transforming an embittered town with her indomitable spirit and commitment to seeing the good in all.

Perhaps part of your self-talk is thinking that what you do in your job is not important because you are not the doctor, or you're not the treatment coordinator, or the office manager, or whomever you think is more important. Let's face it—your job wouldn't exist if it weren't an essential part of the big picture.

Managing the internal conversation with yourself is the key to creating "heaven on earth." And it's not just about what you say to yourself when you wake up. It's important to monitor your self-talk regarding everything, particularly those situations you don't like, people with whom you are upset, or any circumstance that depletes your sense of confidence, joy and well-being.

When you change the conversation, you change every thing.

About ten years ago, I met a woman who was a perfect demonstration of the impact of what we tell ourselves on the way we act and deal with circumstances. I was in the Chicago O'Hare Airport with a two-hour layover between flights. I went into a ladies' rest room for a much needed redo of my face. There was a woman maintenance worker in there cleaning the commodes, singing, and whistling away as she bustled from one stall to the other. During the next 10 minutes or so, two other women workers came in to hob knob with her for a few minutes, and I noticed that they left in much better spirits than when they had entered. I was fascinated by this woman's joyful attitude. I intentionally slowed down my makeover, hoping there might be a moment when the rest room would empty and give me an opportunity to speak with her alone.

The moment came, and I stopped her just as she was about to leave. "Pardon me," I said. "I would like to ask you something." She smiled at me and waited for me to continue. "I'm really amazed at how happy you seem to be doing this kind of work. I mean, cleaning out public toilets doesn't show up on most people's top 100 things they want to do in life; and frankly, I've never seen anyone so upbeat doing this kind of work."

Well, she looked at me as if I were crazy and said, "Honey, I figure any time I'm unhappy with what I'm doing, that's the Devil temptin' me!"

Then she said, "Let me ask you something. You been traveling all day?" I said I had. She continued, "Don't you want a nice clean place to come into where you don't have to worry about where you sit or where you are when you're doing what you're doing?"

I said, "Sure I do. In fact, I was impressed with how clean this rest room was."

"Well, good. Then what I do matters, and I got my job done!" And that was that.

I was impressed. That lady had created a personal context around her work that empowered her and helped lighten up her coworkers as well. The power of this context demonstrates that when satisfaction is something you bring to work, the work will be satisfying, no matter what the work is.

So, are you "just a receptionist?" or a professional receiver of the public? Are you "just the insurance lady?" or a professional who smoothes the way for treatment? Are you "just a (you fill in the blank)?" or a professional participant in the process of transforming others sense of well-being, self-confidence, and possibility in life.

The choice is yours! Choose wisely!

Joan Garbo has been a consultant, trainer and public speaker since 1978 and has a Masters Degree from the University of Virginia. She has applied her training and experience in language development to communication and relationships in the workplace. For the past twelve years, Joan has specialized in consulting and training business owners and their employees in effective communication skills, team-building, executive coaching and how these skills impact customer service. Joan Garbo Consulting is dedicated to supporting professionals and business owners in creating work environments that are nurturing, productive and prosperous to management, employees and clients alike.